Bob Harper Needs a Cupcake! (What Happens When Competition and No Mind Merge)

Black Fire workout with Bob Harper, http://www.DailyBurn.com

I’m dying. Not like “buried in the ground” dying, but definitely at the end of my rope. I am exhausted. My heart rate is just barely faster than a bunny rabbit’s, and I’m in the cool down. I can’t hold my leg up for a quad stretch because my arms are too weak. Everything feels heavy, and I am covered in so much sweat that I am my very own swimming pool. My friend, Heather Santo, shared Bob Harper’s new Daily Burn workout site on her Facebook page, and I thought to myself, If Heather thinks it’s great, it’s gotta be a ton of fun, right?

I should have known better. Did you see the picture on top of this blog? Does he look like he’s having a “ton of fun” to you? Yeah, he kicked my A$$.

I unceremoniously collapse to the floor, and as I stretch my back a little and close my eyes, I think, Bob Harper needs a cupcake. He’d be nicer if he had some sort of sugar fix.

 If you don’t know who Bob Harper is, I won’t judge you (non-judgement site here): he was one of the most popular trainers in the NBC show The Biggest Loser, and he has four books that deal with developing good eating and workout habits.

If you do know Bob Harper, you know that not only would he be shocked and appalled at my very thought; he would probably order me to do ten more push ups, diamond-style for added effect. Cupcakes are to him what turnip greens are to me; repugnant. However, the fact that Bob is nowhere near me makes me very brave.

Plus, at this moment, I am simply too tired to care.

And I love it.

Sure, I just burned a serious amount of calories, and I will absolutely sleep like a dog later tonight. But I love this fatigue because right now, at this very moment, I am so tired that my brain is free. It is in its own zone, and thoughts simply do not matter at this moment. There is no to-do list nor a time limit. There are no problems that need solving, no agendas that need finishing, or emotions that need attention. My brain is simply releasing endorphins and other “feel good” chemicals into my body and emits a pleasant electrical pulse throughout my body as my breathing slows. It is here that I can reach my personal version of “no mind.”

For those of you who have no idea what I mean, the best movie scene I can think of is from The Last Samurai, with Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise’s character, Algren, is captured by the Samurai and stays as their guest/prisoner for two seasons. He learns their language and their style of fighting. However, the Sword Master Uijo detests him, and beats Algren every time Algren tries to train. At one point, all the other warriors are watching, and Algren’s host Nobutada comes up to him and tells Algren he has “too many mind.” He points out that Algren’s mind is thinking about the sword he is using, fighting his enemy/trainer,  his gambling “audience” watching the fight, and even his own pride. Nobutada tells Algren that for Algren to win, he must have “no mind”: quit thinking so much about so many things. Find the one thing, the part inside that is true peace, and move from there. When Algren finally achieves this, he wins (OK, it’s technically a draw, but that’s beside the point).

banpenfugyo tumblr http://bit.ly/1dcBaY9

This scene illustrates two things: 1) we constantly have multiple thoughts fighting for attention and demanding action in our minds, and 2) one must make a conscious decision to find her own “no mind,” which takes effort.

In the mornings, I find it easy to meditate (or pray) and find my state of “no mind,” but it is difficult for me to hold it all day; to be honest, I do not have the discipline. I tend to lose my quiet and peaceful mind as I go about my day and solve troublesome problems, make difficult decisions, interact with others who are not self-aware, and deal with stressful obligations such as deadlines. I get edgy and short-tempered when I have “too many minds” going on for too long. When my stress builds up, my body lets me know in multiple ways. I am tired, but I cannot sleep well. I have headaches. I cannot focus on one thing, because I feel restless or my mind reminds me of other, “more important” issues. All my ideas sound great until I put them on paper, then they fall apart. And the feeling that I am “failing” my task just amplifies all these sensations, which heightens my stress levels, and so the cycle repeats itself. Sometimes, when I try to meditate or slow my brain waves down, I am so hyper that my breathing technique does not help. Sometimes even listening to the original Silva Life System mp3  or one of the quick meditation tracks by Amish Shah and Dr. Puja Shah do not work, because I waited too late to “calm” my brain down.

At these times, workouts are my salvation. I am not talking about a gentle walk with my husband through our neighborhood or around the mall, or lifting a few pounds for five reps and taking a two-minute rest. I’m talking about all-out, gut-wrenching, want-to-scream or cry but too freaking tired to do either. Some of the Beachbody workouts do this, but I like to change things up (or, as in the case of Shaun T’s Insanity: the Asylum, I said “to heck with this” and quit after injuring my wrist halfway through the plan—don’t judge). I know. You think I’m crazy. I’m OK with that. Remember, I’m just giving you ideas on things you can try when other things do not “work” for you. That’s how much I love you, Cupcake.

If you’ll remember, a few weeks ago I blogged about my weight (http://bit.ly/1I2QajH). When Heather shared Bob Harper’s site, and it offered a 30-day free trial, I jumped. I needed something to get me going. The first day, we started out with squats where you touched the ground with your fingers and reached up high, lunges, and toy soldiers. That was the warm up. I wanted to quit. I told myself to go for ten minutes, then I could stop.

The first five minutes, I listened to every voice that came at me.

You shouldn’t have gained so much weight. Your body wouldn’t be so hard to move.

            You shouldn’t have stopped working out. You wouldn’t be breathing like a hippo in labor.

            You’re really too tired to do this. How about choosing another workout or do this later?

            You can’t keep up with those fitness models.

            A relative saying that “Liz talks a big game, but—well, you know” when discussing my workouts with another relative in front of me.

            Freaking Bob Harper yelling, “It doesn’t count if you don’t come all the way up. Make it to your lowest score. Come on, three seconds left!”

            Are you kidding me? What the hell did Heather Santo get me into?

             The worst part is not the physical weight I feel on my shoulders with each negative thought; the worst part is that when I try to banish the negativity, I become even more fatigued, because now I am paying attention to three things at once: negative thoughts, arguing with those negative thoughts, and moving my body. Take my word for it, it sucks. It’s like carrying a twenty-pound backpack around all the time, and I am not a Marine.

 I was a successful athlete a million years ago. In high school, I was in the sports section of the local newspapers every week. In college, I ran the 100m in 11.85 seconds (back then, you had to run an 11.6 to qualify for Nationals). When I had back surgery several years ago, my main focus was to return to the tennis courts and compete. Less than a year after my surgery, I was almost undefeated in women’s singles (I lost one match–my team’s final match in our Regional tournament), and I was ranked third in the state (first in the Dallas-Fort Worth area). I know what it takes to succeed, and I know how to put in the work. The one thing I learned to find and practice during my high school days that moved to college and beyond? No Mind.

“No mind” happens when I get just a little past tired, and it usually takes about 12-15 minutes of hard work for me. Let me power through something, be it sprints or plyometrics or moving brand new heavy furniture into my study, and I can feel “no mind” start. My brain gets to the point where it doesn’t have the energy to focus on “too many mind,” because it now needs to concentrate on my body’s actions so I do not injure myself nor end up in the hospital. I focus inward, and this is how simple it becomes: breathe, do, breathe, do, breathe, do, STOP. Breathe.

In high school and college, it usually came during sprint workouts or repeated drills with very little rest. This may be what some people call “runner’s high,” but I can’t be sure because I never felt it when I went jogging. Some may think this is a “second wind.” I will not argue. Exercise stimulates the brain’s release of endorphins (natural pain killers), serotonin (which fights depression), and Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF, which also fights depression as well as helps with memory and brain health).

For me, all of this happens, but there is a stillness deep inside, a quiet yet powerful force, a calm radiant energy the glows while the chemical reactions eradicate any negativity from each cell in my body.

During the first Black Fire workout, I felt the miracle start to happen. I was breathing so loud and fast that I could barely hear Bob on the TV. My head was pounding so hard with all the blood flow that all I wanted to do was FINISH. My brain pattern switched as I decided I wasn’t going through a measly ten minutes of this workout to feel like I did at the beginning and have to fight more negative jibes later. I was going all the way to the end of the video.

The only sounds I hear are Bob’s “Go,” my rhythmic heavy breathing as I jump on a box or push myself completely off the floor, and Bob’s “Rest.”  I do not care about phone calls, emails, or the fitness models behind Bob. My brain waves have changed. Instead of just one or two blocking the others, they are now all working together to help me finish in one piece. All I care about are the numbers in my head that I must obtain. “You are competing against yourself. Don’t drop below your lowest number.” I am going to keep the same number the whole time.

The first time I did this workout, I was just over ½ of what the twenty-something models did. Today was my fourth time to do this particular workout in two weeks. I managed to improve on everything except the damned burpees, which come at the end; but, as tired as I was, I did not go down in my original number of that hated exercise. I can be proud that I am only a few reps behind the little blonde in the back. I can claim that I actually tied G.I. Jane for 7 hand-release push ups the entire 8 rounds (yeah, baby, that’s 56 push ups done on my toes, all the way to the floor—boo-yah!). While I am intensely competitive, the irony here is that I did not realize I tied her until that round of exercise was finished and Bob was asking everyone for numbers.

“No mind” also means “more production.” If you look at the picture above, you will see two brains. The brain on the left is the brain of someone who sat “quietly” for twenty minutes. On the right is a student who went for a walk for twenty minutes. See how the right brain is all lit up like a Christmas tree? That’s a sign the chemicals I talked about earlier have been released. Can you guess which brain is more active with less effort? Here’s a hint: it is the one with more color.  According to Forbes, a person in a positive brain state is 31% more productive, 40% more likely to get a promotion, and almost 10 times “more engaged at work, live longer, get better grades, and show less acute symptoms.” And look, just walking for twenty minutes changed the brain. You do not have to be intense or insane, or insanely intense. You just have to move in a way that makes you breathe harder than normal.

So, Cupcake, get outside! Go for a walk! Hate the outside? Use a treadmill, a stationary bike, an elliptical! Get your oxygen pumping and get those brain chemicals flowing freely. Think about how much better you will feel, and think, and live life. Your brain will thank you.

My brain is now “empty” of stress and negative ideas. As the released chemicals flow through my exhausted body, creative ideas caress my head and easily glide into my consciousness. I am once again grounded and happy, so I can go on with my day. So, I freely admit that my friend Heather did me a favor when she posted Bob’s picture on my Facebook page. Maybe she deserves a cupcake more than Bob needs one. And just so you know, I went to the Daily Burn Facebook page, and found this for Mr. Bob Harper! Maybe he wouldn’t make me do the extra push ups, after all.

So, my darling Cupcake, what do you do to stay grounded or change your negative frame of mind? What do you like to do to alleviate your stress? What activities do you enjoy that gets your oxygen and mind flowing freely? Remember to share if you can. You may be helping another reader, and that will be a karmic boomerang for you. Have a great day, and stay frosted!

Quit Feeling Sorry for Yourself, Cupcake! (Breaking Free From Shame)

Breaking Free from Shame

The word “gratitude” is the new shame word for this decade. How many times have we heard “You need to be grateful” over the course of our lives?  We hear this phrase as children, as teenagers, and even as adults, the theme echoing from past and overlapping the present.

You should be grateful for the shoes you have on your feet. When I was a kid, I walked to school barefoot (uphill both ways and in snow all year).

You should be grateful that you get the chance to do anything (play a sport, take music lessons, or go to a friend’s sleepover).

You should be grateful that I embarrassed you at the meet-the-teacher night at school (or ). It means I care about you. I wish I had someone care about me that much when I was your age.

If we do not feel gratitude, others shame us for being unappreciative. Even though no one says this, the message we receive when we hear “You’re so ungrateful” may be subtle, but its effects are everlasting. Our subconscious mind translates the phrase into such ideas as:

You are an uncaring person, so you are a horrible human being.

You are unworthy.

You do not deserve approval.

You should feel ashamed of yourself.

It’s a funny thing when we hear these phrases aloud; we don’t even register the latter part of the phrase. The first part has pierced us, it had done its damage. Guilt and shame stain our souls and the stain becomes darker as years go by, and each time we hear these words, the stain we try to ignore grows in size and darkens.

When I was younger, I used to get upset when people asked, “What do you want for your birthday?” and bought me something altogether different from what I had requested. Sometimes they gave me something that cost much more than what I had asked for, but that did not matter to me.  My angry reasoning was, “Why ask what I want if you’re not going to get it for me?” You can imagine how this went over with my parents.  Right now, you may even be agreeing with them. If you’re a parent, you may have had a similar incident or two. Maybe my parents did not believe I really wanted what was on my list. Maybe I was not clear enough. You might be thinking I am a rude and ungrateful human. Put your gavel down, Judge Reader. Hear me out.

I was not ungrateful: I was confused and hurt. In my inner child’s mind, I felt betrayed by the people who bought me gifts. My inner child thought, in the simplest of terms, they lied to me. They had led me to believe that if I informed them what I wanted by writing down my Christmas list or birthday wishes, I would receive something I had requested. Is this not a version of the Holy Bible’s “Ask, and ye shall receive” concept?  As adults, others tell us when we practice the Law of Attraction, we receive what we appreciate. However, if we study the principles, repeat the necessary affirmation but don’t get what we want, we should not feel anger; we should feel ashamed. And if I remember the stain on my soul, if I did it wrong, the “shame” code whispers that I’m not smart enough, so I’m not worthy, so I don’t deserve.

Can you see a pattern here? Do any of these above statements resonate with you somehow? If so, we need to shift your brain pattern, just a little. I promise, no pain here. There is no right or wrong way to do this, either. You only have to try.

Today, I share my gratitude journal with you. I hate to admit this, but I am not the best gratitude journal writer in the whole wide world, and truth be told, I may never be.  However, I can stop my mind from languishing in an all-out self-pity party and shift so it can find positive things in my life that I can appreciate.  You might benefit if you can see how I move out of my mental “funks,” how I get out of the “ungrateful” zone, if you will. Maybe if you can see how I change my brain’s behavior and attitude, you can apply this to your own life.

Now, let it be known that I am a chocoholic like no other. I should start a support group, “Hi, I’m Liz. I’m an addict.” I know they have Overeaters Anonymous, but this is still different. I can go for days eating nothing but triple-chunk brownies, with or without fudge frosting. I can do the same for Hostess Ding Dongs, and hey, you guessed it, cupcakes (but only good ones—too dry or bad frosting, I’m out). And no, I’m not exaggerating. Come find me toward the end of a semester when I’m writing my final papers for grad school. Come find me when I have had an unpleasant visit with family members. Come find me when someone tells me I need to lose weight. It’s my passive aggressive nature. I know this about myself, but when I’m agitated and stupid tired and the chocolate is calling my name, I lose all control. I don’t even keep track of how much I’m eating until I pick up the last brownie and go, “Crap! I ate them ALL? In just four hours? Wow!”  Please don’t judge me: at least I know myself and I’m being honest with you (you should be grateful, lol).

So, last week I had the lowest health moment in my life. I was going to a baptism, and I could not find anything to wear. I had gained so much weight in the last several months, that I literally did not fit into anything I own other than workout clothes or sweats. I don’t care what planet you’re on, workout clothes and sweats are not appropriate for attending a Baptism. Luckily, I found a cute long skirt with a forgiving elastic waist and a big blouse, so I threw them on and told myself I would deal with my problem when I returned home.

I had known I was gaining weight all spring. There had been signs: a wedding during Spring Break, where I could only fit into my “fat” outfits; a presentation I had to do where I could not find a nice shirt to wear, and I did not have time to shop; the fact that I would not look at myself in the mirror when I brushed my teeth or got into or out of the shower. But last weekend, I needed to face facts, so I jumped on the ol’ Weight Watchers scale, which read 207.8. This is the largest I have been in my whole, entire life. I wanted to cry.

And I can sit here and make excuses all day. At the end of the semester, right before finals week, I came down with pneumonia. I coughed so much I threw up a couple of times. The steroids they gave me helped me gain weight. When I returned to the doctor the second week because I’d become worse, they gave me more drugs. During this whole time, all I wanted was comfort food. There was no healthy food here; if I was awake, I wanted chocolate and sugar, in vast amounts.  My husband tried to help by saying, “Here, let me make you something to eat. You’re going to gain weight and be unhappy.” Of course, this only kicked in my nature to eat more in rebellion. When I finally looked at myself in the mirror, I was shocked and appalled. I had eaten so much that I now had to lose 37.8 pounds to just get back into my clothes (yep, I know what I need to weigh so I can fit into my clothes—sue me), and more 45.8 pounds to get to a weight that makes my doctor and my body happy.

Harvard Health did a study on gratitude in 2011. When doctors asked patients to write about pleasant memories, the patients’ happiness scores raised. When the patients wrote a thank you letter to a specific person, the “impact was greater” than any other form of therapy, and the patients were happier for up to one month. Experts with Forbes also suggest that you write in your gratitude journal every day, and five seems to be the “magic” number to help change brain activity. So, in the spirit of helping, I will give you five reasons that I am able to express gratitude for this weight dilemma.

1)  I am grateful that I am healthy enough to work out and make my own meals. Put things in perspective. I could be so much worse off, but I am extremely fortunate: I don’t have to take medicine (other than Claritin-D for allergies), I have a library of over 100 workout videos, and I know how to cook. I am also smart enough to buy cold cuts and fruit already cut for the days that I am too tired to cook or fix my meals.

2) I am grateful that I can own my cupcake. There’s an ad for an exercise machine on TV. I’m sure you’ve seen it. One of the clients claims that she gained 64 pounds when she was pregnant and states, “That’s not baby weight, that’s donuts.” She owned her cupcake. While I would love to blame my weight gain on pneumonia and prescriptions, I know this is not true. It was all the junk food I ate, coupled with the fact that I had quit my workouts. I have to be honest, because that is what allows me to change. Honesty releases my brain to start solving the problem and quit living with shame in the past. I don’t need to feel ashamed or embarrassed. This is what happened. It is what it is. How do I change it? When I give my brain a puzzle, it happily goes on a quest to find answers; and its happiness increases my happiness. This is true for everyone.

3) I am grateful that I know I can succeed. There’s a funny thing that happens in your mind. If you can succeed in one thing—ANYTHING—your brain remembers this, and it will help you figure out how to succeed again. It does not matter if you’re a genius or not. You just have to ask yourself some questions, and help yourself remember. What was my mindset when I succeeded? Who helped me (did I do this by myself, with a friend/relative, or did I join a group)? When I encountered a problem, how did I solve it? When my progress slowed down or seemed to stop, how did I manage to get it going again? How did I achieve my goal last time? Bonus thought: when you succeeded last time, it was God’s (or the universe’s) way of telling you that you deserved this awesome achievement, and you should be proud of yourself. You are worthy. I have never lost this much weight before; however, I HAVE lost weight in the past, so I know I can do this if I use a little effort.

4) I am grateful that I can work out. One of my favorite workouts is a TurboFire video. During the cool down Chalene Johnson says, “Know that you are blessed to be able to do this workout.” I smile and give a fist pump every time, because yeah, there are people around me who can’t. I stopped workouts in the spring. I start them again tomorrow. My plan is to do my favorite workouts for the first three weeks, then I can add others. Why? Because I know it takes about twenty-one days to build a habit; since I like how I feel when I work out, this plan will help me succeed. See a new pattern emerging?  (I simply asked my brain questions, and it went to work for me.)

5) I am grateful for today’s blog post. To be honest, I felt humiliated when I read the number on my scale. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I had allowed myself to become this size. When I pulled out my gratitude journal, I did not feel grateful, because I had been lying to myself for months. I had betrayed myself. But, through writing to you, I found my five things (plus more). To be honest, I had a different idea for my very first blog post to kick off June, but I think this one might be better. Why?  Today I talked about my weight, I confessed to a billion strangers (ok, maybe closer to 50, but still, strangers) that I had gained an unhealthy amount of weight, and I told everyone that I start my workouts again tomorrow. Whether I meant to or not, I just gave myself accountability, because somebody who reads this is going to check in on me somewhere down the road. (I’m kind of depending on it, so don’t be shy! J) Hopefully, I also gave some of you some ideas on how to take more positive steps.

Be kind to yourself. If you are reading my blog, you are a cupcake, full of all that is good and right in the world. Gluten-free, old, young, burnt, plain, frosted, it does not matter. If you’re reading this paragraph, something here resonated, and I hope it helps you in some way. We don’t have to feel ashamed when things don’t go the way we want or planned. Sometimes failure (or weight gain) is God’s (or Source’s) encouragement for us to find other ways to succeed. You are wonderful just the way you are, and you deserve to be happy. Do yourself a favor today. Ask yourself these questions:

1) What is one goal I have for today/this week/this month/this year?

2) How can I do this?

3) Who can I share this with, so I can receive support and comfort?

4) What five things, no matter how small, can I be grateful for right now?

Still here? Yay! I am so grateful that you came here today, I am grateful that you read my blog all the way to the end, and I am so grateful that you are going to take time to comment on my post! J or just let me know how you’re doing. Got something to share? Great! I’d love to hear your story.

Be the cupcake you were born to be, my friend, and stay frosted! 

Hello world!

Own Your Cupcake

Thank you for coming to the party! I am so very glad you’re here! Let’s celebrate your greatness!

Ownyourcupcake is here because everyone needs a little sugar in her life. Lately, the word cupcake has been associated with weakness. The phrase “Suck it up, cupcake!” is yelled when someone isn’t performing well or wants to quit an activity, and a person is called “cupcake” when she is perceived as lazy, weak, or just not up to someone else’s standards. Speaking as an avid lover of cupcakes (especially chocolate cake with chocolate chips and cream cheese frosting–yummy!), I am here to inform you of three things:

1. There are days when you need to be a cupcake, and that’s perfectly ok. Go for it with abandon. Bawl your eyes out until your head gets stuffy, your eyes puff up and you can’t see, and your nose is red enough to help Santa on Christmas Eve. You will feel better when you are completely drained, and then you will be ready to heal.
2. There are days when you need to “suck it up.” Embrace your pain, and be stronger than you think you are; this is an opportunity to become a better you;
3. There are days when you need to be strong enough to look in the mirror and learn the real the cause of your pain, which is the best cupcake ever. Why, you ask? It means you are ready to change a part of your life.

There is no judgement here to which kind of cupcake you are or which kind of cupcake you choose to be: there is only the desire to help you be the best cupcake under the sun. So, my dear reader: see your cupcake, be your cupcake, and own your cupcake! 🙂

Just like cupcakes, people have the same basic ingredients, but certain elements that make them different. As humans, we all feel emotions of fear, sadness, anger, and happiness; however, our separate backgrounds and experiences make us who we are. On this site, I’m going to give you a few tools to navigate life in an easier way as I help you regain a little control over the one thing in life that you should be able to: your greatness and happiness. I will share scenarios that most people have experienced or can relate to (being cut off in traffic, feeling rejected), and then I will give you two or three exercises to help banish the negativity that can become emotional baggage over time. Sometimes I will mention an author, a book, or a webpage. Do not panic! I am not selling anything (yet, ha!). This may be a resource that I have found helpful or a place where I found similar information. I am simply giving credit where credit is due. Of course, you are free to buy the book or visit the webpage, but do not feel obligated in any way to spend money.

Starting June 8, I will post blogs once a week, maybe more if I’m feeling spicy. The “breaks” are so you have time to try out my suggestions and actually put them into action. Gotta’ own your cupcake, remember?